Fool's Paradise
by Lif61
Summary: Castiel lets himself be happy.


**A/N: Episode 14x08 "Byzantium" and 14x09 "The Spear" spoilers, but takes place much later in the season**

 **WARNINGS: Explicit sex, major character death.**

* * *

Castiel was going to check on Dean when it happened. He was no longer possessed by Michael, and they'd cleaned up most of the chaos the archangel had wrought, but Dean clearly wasn't himself. Not in the possessed sort of way, but he was hurting. Sam kept trying to talk to him, and Dean opened up a little, but not enough. Not enough for Castiel, anyway. Dean wasn't healing, and he wouldn't heal unless he talked about it.

Then again, Sam had never talked about it, and he seemed alright, save for flinching at loud noises, and often having nightmares, and wearing himself out by working too much.

Yeah, fine.

But not really.

None of them were.

And Castiel didn't want to be; he had wanted to be, but now his deal with the Empty would kill him.

Happiness would kill him.

And he feared he'd find it when Dean suddenly opened his door and pulled him into his room.

"Dean?" he questioned, squinting his eyes and tilting his head at him.

It was the middle of the night, and he'd sensed Dean having a nightmare, but now he was very much awake. He was coated in a light sheen of sweat, hair a mess, and if Castiel hadn't known it was from distress he would've found it very attractive.

He looked at him with those beautiful green eyes, and when Castiel saw sorrow there he felt the pain in his Grace.

"Cas, I need to ask you to do something for me. It's… It's gonna sound completely weird, and you can totally say no if you want to, but…" He had his hands out as he was talking, almost as if he was pleading with him, "But I need you to sleep with me."

"Excuse me?" Castiel questioned, even as his heart skipped a beat.

Dean's face turned red, and he turned around, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Sorry, sorry. That was _stupid_. Shouldn't have said anything. Look, just forget it."

He let out a sigh, and made to get back onto his bed.

Castiel reached out and grabbed his arm, making Dean's breath hitch in his throat.

He turned him to him, brought his face close to his, and asked, voice quiet, "Why do you want this?"

"I… I don't feel like _me_ , Cas," he responded. "I don't even know who I'm supposed to be. Michael took all of that from me. I just… I care about you, and I've never stopped caring about you since I realized you weren't such a total jackass, and I almost lost you."

"No," Castiel affirmed, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. " _I_ almost lost you."

"Cas, I just want to be me. I want to be me with you. I-I-I can't _take_ this anymore. I know Michael's gone, I know we saved the day, but it's still in my head."

"I can erase it if you wish," Castiel immediately offered.

Dean shook his head. "No, it's important. I need to know what it's like. I need to know what I put my brother through with Gadreel. Hell, I need to talk to him about it. Oh god, he must hate me. He-"

Castiel put a hand over his mouth, promptly shutting him up.

"Sh…" he soothed. "You can worry about that later. Right now it's just me here. And you. You _are_ you. Dean Winchester, my best friend, my family."

He slowly took his hand away, and Dean's lips were parted, breaths heavy.

"I want you to be more than that," he whispered, a tear trailing down his cheek. "Cas, I need you."

More tears fell, and he lowered his head. Castiel caressed his cheek, and told him, "I want to be with you, Dean."

"But?" he murmured. "I sense a _but_ here."

Castiel wanted to tell him. Oh lord, he wanted to tell him. But he couldn't. He just couldn't. He couldn't possibly burden him like that, not when he was hurting from so much. Not when he was trying to figure himself out again. Not when he needed him. Not when Castiel needed him.

He was just going to have to let himself be happy.

So he dared what he'd never dared to do, and he took Dean's face in both hands now, bringing their lips together. Dean inhaled deeply the moment the space between them closed, and his hands were over Castiel's, holding them there. Castiel let the feeling in his chest take him, let that warmth and comfort spread outwards, let it fill his vessel, his Grace. Tears fell down his cheeks as they kissed, but Dean had stopped crying now.

The kiss wasn't tentative, was something that had been building for a decade, was something that was surely fated to happen, was something perfect, and right, and beautiful, and everything Castiel needed to be happy.

Dean was his happiness.

Yes, there was Sam, there was Jack, and they made him smile and laugh, and he adored them to the ends of the Earth, would lay down his life for either of them in a heartbeat, but there was still that guilt, that sorrow. That emptiness. Dean's touch filled it in in a wonderful, fiery rush.

Before long, Dean had a hand in his hair, and the other was tearing at his coat, trying to get it off. Castiel quickly shrugged out of it, lips still attached to Dean, sucking now. The older Winchester opened his mouth at that, and his tongue came out to feel the shape of his lips, to taste him. Hungry for Dean, for something to end the dark night that filled his mind, Castiel sucked on his tongue, and Dean shuddered.

They hurriedly worked on Castiel's tie and shirt, and then Dean was pulling back to take his brown Henley off. Castiel put his hands to Dean's back, arching him towards him, and he used his nose to nudge his head back. He held him to him as closely as he could, doing it so fervently they almost lost their balance. Their legs were twined together, and even through their clothes Dean was pleasantly warm, hard and soft, and just _him_. His smell was all around him, and Castiel was able to pick up much more than humans could. What he was breathing in was Dean's very essence, his overwhelming musk, his emotions, his everything. It was a mix of hot, and desperate, and happy, and underneath it all was pain that Castiel could feel diminishing with each kiss he placed to his neck.

He knew it would come back, but for now, they were with each other.

They were happy.

Castiel wasn't quite sure how sex between two men worked, but he knew Dean would show him. Dean was very intelligent when it came to things involving pleasure.

For now he just did what felt right, tasted his skin, what he was made up of. Castiel wanted to taste more of him, wanted to take him in, have him be part of him.

He didn't understand it entirely, but he wanted to be a part of Dean.

He wanted to be in him as much as he could.

Castiel nibbled on his neck just near his ear, making Dean grasp at him tightly, his grip strong enough to bruise a human. Castiel licked his earlobe, making Dean let out a shaky exhale that held his voice in it.

It made Castiel's pants began to feel too tight. As he ran a hand down Dean's back to cradle his ass, pulling his hips closer, that feeling only grew. Dean felt perfect against him, already hard and wanting. Castiel growled from how full he felt, how wonderful, and Dean growled back, pulling Castiel's tie and shirt off. Tingles erupted in him, searing down his back, wrapping around his hips as pleasant heat that traveled to his cock, as Dean grasped firmly at his shoulders with warm, rough hands. They were strong hands, hands he wanted to feel his body.

Castiel trailed his mouth down Dean's body, touch light against him, making the hunter's chest heave. And then he was pulling at his pajama bottoms.

Dean grabbed his biceps at that, and tugged. Castiel let him help him to his feet.

"What is it?" he asked gently, all big eyes as he looked at him.

Dean caressed his cheek, and smiled as he said softly, "I want to see you. All of you. And I know I've seen you naked before, but this… this is different."

Castiel pressed his lips to his for an endearing kiss that lasted a few seconds, and then he replied, "As you wish."

His skin felt hot, flushed with heat, as Dean kept his eyes on him while he undressed.

Dean let out a low whistle when he was finally unclothed, and then he chuckled.

"Damn."

Castiel smiled nervously, cheeks turning pink as he stood before his best friend. He didn't have the sense to cover himself, wasn't ashamed at all, but he wondered what Dean was thinking.

"So?" he prompted, kicking his pants to the side, and stepping closer, hands running up and down Dean's sides.

Dean shot him a grin, pupils dilated. "I'm gonna be sore tomorrow."

Castiel raised an eyebrow, and opened his mouth to apologize, but Dean pulled him close and breathed into his ear, voice low and gravelly, "It'll be worth it. _So_ _worth it._ " He dragged the last words out, making Castiel shiver. "I want to know I was with you. I want my body to remember it for days."

Castiel pulled back to show Dean his confusion. "Are you saying you want me to hurt you?"

He knew pain could last awhile, but pleasure, that couldn't. Strange that it was that way, though the two were opposite sensations. But if Dean could get pleasure even afterwards from such a thing, perhaps he should do it.

"I'm just saying I want you to be with me. God, I _want you_ , Cas. You. Only you."

Castiel still didn't entirely understand the situation, but he went back to what he'd been doing before: getting on his knees and making Dean vulnerable to him.

His friend inhaled sharply as he slowly pulled his pajama bottoms down. He left his boxers on, wanting to make himself wait to see all of Dean, not yet ready to be filled with such immense joy. It was easy to tell where the head of his cock was, and, not totally sure why, Castiel brought his mouth to it. A strangled grunt left Dean, and then his hands were running across his scalp.

"Oh, Cas… _mm…_ "

It almost sounded like he was whining, so Castiel ran his mouth along him, making sure he felt his warm breath. His boxers became a little wet, and curiously, Castiel brought his tongue out to taste. It wasn't a gross taste. It was natural. It was Dean.

Castiel wanted that taste filling his mouth. It spoke of him even more than his perfectly shaped lips did.

Now he did pull his boxers down, and Castiel stopped breathing as he looked upon him. He leaned back, taking in Dean as much as he could with his eyes. He smiled, showing his teeth.

Dean gave him a half-smile.

"I'm that good lookin', huh?"

"You're gorgeous," Castiel responded, and then his mouth was on him, his hands running up the backs of his thighs. Castiel watched Dean as he tilted his head back, growling out his pleasure, and he felt more of that wetness in his mouth. Yes, this was what he'd wanted, for Dean to be part of him.

He took in all of him, so thick and hot in his throat, and Castiel could feel his Grace thrumming with desire. One of the lights in Dean's room blew out, glass shattering, sparks flying. Dean started from it, but Castiel soothingly ran his hands along his body, making him moan. He was caressing his face, and then feeling over his head, thumbs brushing against his ears, making him moan while he was in his mouth. Dean shuddered, and Castiel gently put his hands on his ass, holding him to him. Having had sex a couple times before and knowing what sensations felt nice, Castiel began to bob his head up and down, careful to not graze him with his teeth.

Dean reacted beautifully, back arching, head tilting back even more, eyes squeezing shut, mouth dropping open. His cheeks were a beautiful red, and upon further inspection his nipples were hard. Castiel ran his hands all over his body, feeling the shape of him, memorizing every curve, no matter how slight.

"Oh _fuck_ ," Dean got out. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

Castiel pulled back, worried that his friend was distressed.

He licked his lips, and then asked, "Are you alright?"

"Hell yeah, I'm alright."

Dean got on his knees, Castiel doing his best to brush his mouth over his skin as he did so, and then their arms were wrapped around each other, hips pressed together, both moaning from it.

Dean was kissing Castiel with all he had, mouth open wide, sucking, biting, inhaling his scent. It made his cock twitch, and Dean groaned as he thrusted his hips against him.

Then Dean's hand was on him in between his legs, grip firm, knowing exactly what he wanted. Castiel kissed Dean more passionately with the fire that fueled in him, wanting to have this man as much as he could. His tongue was in Dean's mouth, one hand cradling his head, thumb by his ear.

His friend's palm grazed the head of his cock, and Castiel felt a jolt in him, pressure from deep in between his legs. Then there was slickness on him. Dean pulled back slightly to let out a triumphant laugh that made Castiel want him even more.

He found himself growling at him, taking his mouth with his once more, lips searching, learning, pleasuring.

When they broke apart, they were both breathing heavily, the air between them hot and crackling with need, with affection stronger than Castiel could possibly comprehend.

"Come on," Dean said, voice gentle despite the gravelly quality of it. "Let's get on my bed."

Castiel hoisted Dean up as he stood, and deposited him on the bed, making Dean let out a surprised yelp.

"Holy shit! You're strong."

Castiel was already on top of him, settling in between his muscular thighs as he said with a smile, "Of course I am. I'm an angel."

"And you're my angel."

Dean was so beautiful beneath him, lovely cock curved upward against his stomach, filled with immense desire, legs open for him, nipples hard, hips reaching up with yearning, hair a mess, sweat on his skin.

Castiel at least knew that some kind of lubrication was needed for sex, and since Dean had his saliva on his cock, he felt it was only fair he have Dean's on his. He held his hand out, palm upward, and ordered him to spit into it. Dean leaned forward, and took hold of his hand, lips sucking lightly at two of his fingers, making pleasure somehow jolt all the way through Castiel's body, down into his full cock. He thrust his hips forward unintentionally at that, and there was a mischievous glint in Dean's eyes. So he knew what he'd done to him.

Then Dean spit into his hand. Castiel nodded his thanks, and began to work his hand against his own cock.

Dean's mouth dropped open, and then he was sitting up, making Castiel kneel. He spit into his own hand, knocked his hand aside, and did it for him. In fact he then changed position so he was practically lying on his stomach, bare feet by the pillows, and he was sucking on Castiel's cock.

Castiel found himself looking down at him, one eyebrow raised as he thought of all the orders he could give to Dean like this. A growl left him, and Dean took him in further. He couldn't take him in all the way, but Dean didn't pay attention to that yet, was tugging at Castiel's pubic hair, making him feel so light-headed, a sensation he hadn't even known an angel could feel without other angelic interference.

Maybe Dean was his Heaven.

Then he was cradling his balls, pulling lightly, making Castiel feel like pleasure was reaching a hand up into his stomach and caressing him. He moaned, raking his hands over Dean's strong shoulders. He squeezed lightly, and then Castiel urged him to do it more forcefully.

Dean pulled himself off of him to ask, "You sure?"

"Dean, it takes much more to hurt me than it does humans. I'll be fine."

Experimentally, Dean tugged hard, making that jolt of pleasure swell till it nearly ached. He bit his bottom lip as his voice left him. Dean groaned at it, and then his mouth was on him again, sucking with more pressure, and his hand was now stroking the base of him with his wonderful hands, touch firm.

Then Dean was spitting on him, over and over again, working the spit feverishly against his heated, sensitive skin, making Castiel twitch, tilting his hips forward.

"Don't worry," Dean told him. "You'll be in me again soon enough."

"In your mouth?" he asked curiously, still unsure about all this.

Dean didn't respond, just shot him a playful smile that had him grabbing Dean and forcing him onto his back, straddling him.

His friend was breathing heavily, staring up at him in awe. Once Dean relaxed from that moment, he took Castiel's hand, and wrapped it around the both of them. Dean kept his fingers there for a bit, eyes big as he marveled at how large his hands were, bigger than Dean's.

Dean reached up, kissed Castiel sweetly, and then lay back down to tell him, "Move your hips."

"Dean, I kind of want to be the one giving the orders," he admitted.

"Good, but until you know what you're doing, you have to listen to me."

Castiel leaned in, tightening his grip around them, shifting so he was pressed against Dean even more.

"Fine. I'll listen to you, and I'll even pretend to like it. But as soon as I figure this out, _you_ are _mine_."

His friend's throat suddenly became very interesting as he swallowed roughly, and then he teased, "Shut up. You like it."

Castiel started slowly rocking against Dean, their wet cocks sliding together, and Dean arched up into it, hands gripping at Castiel's thighs, nails digging in. It made him feel pressure in his gut, his chest, the need to make Dean feel as much pleasure as he could, to make him come undone beneath him.

He leaned in close, bracing himself with one forearm by his head, body up against his, hips still canting forwards, muscles undulating rhythmically.

"Dean Winchester," he growled out, "I know you well enough to know that you'll enjoy it even more once you're able to submit."

"Wow, Cas," he joked nervously. "Can't this be mutual? No top, no bottom?"

"Hush, I know you like relinquishing control for this."

"Huh, you can tell?"

"Somewhat. I may not understand the uh… mechanics of sex, but you humans hide less than you think you do. For instance…" He paused to grunt, pressing down more firmly, and Dean moaned, eyes sliding closed, hands caressing his thighs. "Sam likes slamming people against walls," he finished.

Dean grunted and then got out, "Y-Yeah, he's told me that. How… How do you know it?"

Castiel decided to keep that a secret, decided to not let Dean know he could smell emotions. Sam had told him that Gadreel had mentioned such an ability at one point, but he wasn't sure if Dean knew about it. It'd been years since he'd smelled hunger from Sam, but he remembered the scent of it, how it was violent and overbearing. With Dean it was more of a tugging, like he was begging.

When Castiel said nothing, Dean tried to chuckle, but it turned into a grunt as Castiel picked up the pace. "Bastard."

Dean's hands were running up and down his body, fingers brushing against hard nipples, making him desire him even more. It wasn't long before he was rutting against him forcefully, coaxing that wetness from both of them, making Dean's muscles tense and bulge as he writhed beneath him, hips moving in time with his.

Once he stopped he was throbbing, aching, and he put his other forearm on the side of Dean's head. He leaned down, mouth finding his left nipple, making Dean let out a string of curses in his husky voice.

He was still arching up against Castiel, hands on his back, trying to pull him down onto him even more. Castiel held back, knowing the denseness of him could crush him; Castiel was much larger than this body that had become his.

A scrumptious whine left Dean's mouth, making Castiel's cock twitch once more.

Gosh, he just needed him.

His tongue circled his nipple now, and then he was biting lightly. A keening sound left the man beneath him, and nails raked over his torso.

Due to Dean's wondrous reaction, Castiel kept doing it, working it between his teeth, and Dean's voice left him in a sound that wasn't quite a moan - more a cry, a declaration of his pleasure.

Even more warmth bloomed in Castiel's chest at the sound.

Joy. This was what joy felt like.

"Cas, Cas, Cas" he got out quickly, almost like a sexual chant, and another light in the room blew out. They were almost cloaked in darkness now. Castiel felt his Grace shudder, felt his very essence flaring and bursting excitedly. His back tingled pleasantly, shoulders nearly aching. He held back from showing his wings, wanting to wait for the perfect moment to do it, wanting Dean to see even more of him when it was just right.

"Cas, oh fuck. Lay off, man. I gotta get something."

Castiel pulled back immediately, and climbed off of Dean. That ache in him grew as he watched him lie there, panting, trying to catch his breath. His nipple was red and swollen, and Castiel greatly desired for the other one to look the same. He nearly leaned back down to make it that way, but he remembered what Dean had said.

Eventually, the hunter sat up, letting Castiel have a wonderful view of his back, and just a bit of his ass. Mm, he wanted to see more of him.

Dean got up and went through his bureau for a bit, Castiel admiring him from behind, and then he pulled out a capped bottle that he popped open.

"What's that?" he questioned, finding himself smiling despite not understanding.

"What we need," he answered vaguely.

Then Dean was getting back on the bed and squeezing the contents of the bottle onto his fingers. It was clear, wet, and Castiel tilted his head at it curiously. Dean winked at him, bent his legs and spread them apart, and then his hand was reaching down. For a second Castiel thought he was going to grab his cock, and then maybe his balls, but then his fingers were working at his ass.

He handed Castiel the bottle as he slowly slid a finger a quarter of an inch into himself. Castiel was so enamored it took him a few seconds to grab the bottle.

"Put some of that on me," he said, indicating where by wiggling his fingers a bit.

Curious, Castiel did as he said, letting the liquid drip down onto Dean's pink rim.

"Come on, more," he murmured. "Don't be shy."

After doing as he requested he watched as Dean pressed his finger more deeply into himself.

Just as he opened his mouth to ask why he was doing such a thing, Dean grunted out, "You want to be in me, right, Cas?"

He nodded eagerly.

"This is where you're gonna be."

Castiel stared hard, understanding, and now desiring him even more. To be in Dean. Oh, that would be perfect. Unable to handle just sitting there, useless as Dean fingered himself, Castiel leaned forward and sucked on his cock. Due to the lack of a gag reflex that went along with being an angel, Castiel was once again able to take him in all the way; something that had Dean growling.

He caressed the inner parts of his thighs, felt him quiver beneath him, as he continued to ready himself. Castiel wasn't paying much attention to what was happening lower than his mouth, but it was clear Dean's hand was now working furiously, and his skin was all hot.

"Cas, spit on me," he pleaded.

Once he'd pulled off of him and did so, Dean laughed.

"No. Lower."

Dean used a hand to direct his head downwards, past his dark reddish-blond pubic hair, past his cock, his balls, till Castiel was looking at Dean's rim, now almost ready for him.

Castiel grinned and then eagerly spit onto him, over and over again, and he felt brave enough to work his fingers against him, easily using three.

"Oh fuck, just get in me Cas!"

"With pleasure."

All confusion had fled from him now. What he needed was clear. Castiel lifted Dean's legs, hoisting them up about his sides, and his friend dutifully wrapped them around him, pulling him closer. Their breaths were heavy now, intensity living within them, unimaginable heat. Castiel used his hand to center himself, and then he was pushing into Dean.

Immediately, the hunter's back began to arch, the inside of him throbbing, begging for him. Oh, he was so hot and wet inside, so soft. Dean let out a grunt, and for a moment Castiel feared that he'd hurt him, but then he remembered that if he was hurting them, it was what Dean wanted. Confident that he'd tell him if he went too far, Castiel started thrusting, slowly, slowly, burying himself deeper into him more and more each time. He felt Dean being stretched and spread around him, felt his tightness, his willingness to be penetrated by him.

The head of his cock rubbed against something inside of Dean that felt swollen, and then his friend's cock was twitching, releasing more of that substance, and Dean's eyes were screwed shut, mouth open wide as he moaned.

He reached out to Castiel with shaking fingers, hands feeling all over his muscled arms, and he begged, "D-deeper. Oh god, deeper."

It was easy to do as he requested since Castiel longed for it as well, and he was penetrating Dean, deeper and deeper, making him moan. Once he was fully buried in him, he pressed his hips against him even more, and Dean's legs tightened around him, hands gripping his biceps with all he had.

Castiel wasn't one for swearing, or even thinking of swears, but fuck, Dean felt amazing. Perfectly tight, sheathing his cock, infusing it with bright pleasure and bliss.

"Fuck me, Cas," he pleaded, voice rough and quavering. "Fuck me. Oh, please, fuck me. I need you. I need you."

Barely a second after hearing Dean's words, Castiel was doing just that, moving his hips at a pace he thought Dean could handle. But a discontented growl let him know it wasn't nearly fast enough or hard enough, so he went at Dean with more force. It was amazing watching what this did to him. It was amazing to see his back arching, his mouth open, eyes closed, hands feeling over him fervently now. Castiel leaned in and kissed him, and Dean was moaning into his mouth.

The old bed was creaking from their movements, and for a second Castiel worried Sam or Jack would hear, but they were down the hall. Unfortunately, if Jack did happen to walk in on this there would be a great deal of explaining to do. So much had happened recently that they still hadn't had time to give him the talk. Dean wanted to do it, but Sam wasn't sure that was a good idea.

Yes, this was what he wanted. A family, a son, Dean moaning into his mouth as his cock drove into him over and over again, making pleasure flare up into Castiel's stomach till he was breathless and light-headed, and eager for more, more, _more_.

Bliss radiated in every part of him as he took Dean, as he became part of him, as Dean's tongue made its way into his mouth and became part of him. The remaining light, the lamp by Dean's bed, grew brighter and brighter, and Castiel feared it would blow out.

It did, and he paused to apologize.

Dean laughed, and then urged Castiel to keep at it.

In a few seconds Dean's gorgeous green eyes that Castiel could still see in the warm darkness of the room were widening, and things began to seem brighter.

"Cas! Holy shit, you're glowing!"

He felt his Grace searing and pulsing, his back tingling in that glorious way again, shoulders aching, aching, and then he released that sensation, wings spreading out behind him, taking up nearly the whole of the room, edges of his wings brushing against the walls.

Dean's eyes grew watery, even as his mouth dropped open, even as Castiel kept fucking him.

"C-Cas… Your wings…"

"Sh…" he tried soothing, but it came out more as a grunt. He pressed a kiss to Dean's forehead and then slowed so he could tell him, "They'll heal."

He knew what Dean was seeing. His wings were still featherless from The Fall, but the bones had thankfully healed so it no longer felt like he was carrying around monstrosities, like he was this aching, ruined thing. His feathers would grow back, could already feel the burning itch of a few of them coming in.

But no. No, they wouldn't come back.

This was his last night on Earth.

He was too far gone for that to stop him. He would remain with Dean for as long as he could.

Castiel didn't feel like he could last much longer, and wanting Dean to reach his end before he did, to let him know he was an attentive lover, Castiel began pumping his cock as he continued to pound into him, their skin slapping together. Dean still stared in awe, even as he began to cry out. Castiel knew his eyes were glowing blue, and that was what had Dean so enamored.

"Beautiful," the hunter murmured in between moans. "Fucking beautiful."

Dean was biting his bottom lip and whimpering, body tensing and shuddering all at once, and then he was tightening impossibly around him and crying out, his end leaving him in thick, ropy spurts. Castiel fucked him through it, fucked him harder, didn't know what else to do, but he felt pure bliss from seeing Dean like this, from knowing he was happy and satisfied, from knowing that he'd done this. He was the cause of Dean's ecstasy.

Castiel felt immense pressure just beneath his balls, felt the need to release, and he let himself fall into it, fall into Dean a few more times, and his body gave Dean all he had, pulsing deep inside him, doing so with intent, and purpose.

Dean was throbbing around him, and Castiel was kissing him, holding him as close as he could, making himself as much a part of Dean as was possible, as pure pleasure flooded him, as joy and radiance took over his entire being.

Fear was obliterated.

The knowledge of what was coming for him left.

Dean.

It was all Dean.

Castiel was truly home, with his family.

Once he pulled himself from Dean, and rested beside him, holding him to him, he began to panic, sure he had only moments. His breathing became incredibly harsh.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" Dean asked, turning in his arms, caressing his face, trying to kiss him quickly to make him feel better. "Talk to me, baby. What's wrong?"

"I…"

"Castiel."

The voice startled both of them, and Dean tried to cover himself. Castiel didn't bother.

The Empty was in Duma again, a manic smile showing her perfectly white teeth.

"Oh, was I interrupting something?" she said, still with that smile, now turning crooked.

She laughed, tears welling up in her eyes.

The Empty was an entity Castiel could not understand, but he knew he would have to go with it.

"Dean, it's okay," Castiel soothed.

"What? Who the _hell_ is she? What is she doing here?"

He'd managed to get to the floor and find his boxers, and tugged them on.

"He didn't tell you?" the Empty asked. She pouted and then responded, humor in her voice, "I'm here to take him away."

"What? Cas, no, no!

"No, you are _not_ taking him."

Dean shoved Castiel away, and stepped in front of him, facing the Empty himself.

"You don't have to do this."

The Empty stepped forward, and Dean faltered back, throwing his hand out to place it against Castiel's chest, pushing him back with him.

"Oh, but I do. You see? He wanted his son back when _I_ wanted him, when _he_ _belongs to me_. So he told me to take him instead."

Dean turned, looking at him, eyes huge, fearful.

"Is that true?"

Castiel found that he couldn't say a thing, his voice completely lost to him, just looked upon him with immense guilt and sorrow, felt it plunging deep into his Grace, twisting till he wanted to scream.

"No. No. No, no, _no!_ " Dean roared.

He wrapped his arms around him protectively as he faced the Empty. It had taken a step forward, and Dean growled, "Stay back!"

With all this noise someone was bound to come running soon. Castiel didn't want them to, didn't want his family to see him be taken away.

"Castiel, do you want me to kill him to get to you?" it asked, the question sounding genuine. "I will. Or I could go take your son. Would that please you?"

"Don't touch either of them!"

Castiel laid a hand on Dean's arm, eyes only for him.

"Dean." He didn't respond, trembling with rage, a reaction to his fear, to the impending grief. "Dean, look at me."

Dean's eyes met his, those beautiful green filled with so much emotion it broke Castiel's heart.

He caressed his face, a tear rolling down his cheek as he told him, "Dean, it's okay."

"No, no. It's not okay. It's not okay, and you know it."

"Hey, hey. It's okay. It's okay. It's what I want."

Dean was openly crying now, countless tears joining the sweat on his face, dripping off of his chin.

"H-h-how can it be _okay_? How can any of this be okay? Why…? Why didn't you tell me? _Why?_ "

Dean's voice was quiet on the last word, but so filled with anguish and fury it was like a knife. Castiel half expected his best friend to start hitting him, and seeing such sorrow from him, Castiel felt as though he'd deserve every blow.

"I didn't want you to be sad," he answered honestly.

" _I am._ "

"I know, I know."

He took Dean's face in his hands, thumbs caressing his cheeks.

"Dean, I did this for Jack. He's our _son_. I couldn't just… I couldn't just let him be taken. He's… He's perfect. He's ours, our little boy. I had to save him. I know you understand. You would've done the same if you could."

"Cas, I don't want you to go."

"I won't be gone, Dean," he promised, voice quiet, another tear falling.

He kissed him and then pressed a hand to his heart.

"I'll be right here. I promise."

"Cas, I need you."

"I need you too, Dean."

"Then please, _please_ don't do this. Let… Let her take me. Let her take me." The last words came out in pants, like he was exhausted.

A sob shook his shoulders as the Empty said, "Sweetie, I'd love to, but I can't take you. Only angels."

Dean rounded on her then declared, "Then I want to do it together. Cas, get out your angel blade."

"No, I won't. I won't let you kill yourself."

"Castiel…" he began, turning to face him once more, hands on his face. " _I love you_ , and I… I don't even know who I am anymore. I… I want you to possess me. Yes. You hear? I'm _saying_. _Yes_. You possess me, you _stab_ _us_ , and then she gets you."

Castiel was horridly reminded of _Romeo and Juliet_ , but he said nothing of it.

"It's okay," he went on. "You'll be in my Heaven, Cas. I know you will. You, Sam, Jack."

"Dean, they need you _here_. _Our son_ needs you. You need to make up for wronging him, you need to make up for wronging Sam. I know you love them, and they love you with everything they have. You _have_ to keep going. For them. Please, Dean. I made my choice. Just let me go."

"I can't. I can't and I won't."

Castiel assumed the only reason they were allowed to talk this long was because the Empty was enjoying itself with this interaction, enjoyed letting Castiel feel this pain, of seeing Dean suffer.

"Dean. I have to go," he whispered, voice barely able to come out.

He kissed Dean's forehead, then his nose, and then his lips.

"You gave me a family, Dean. You made me happy. You gave me purpose even when the angels rejected me. You taught me what it means to feel, to love, to give, to sacrifice. _Thank you._ "

Castiel started walking towards the Empty, Dean reaching out for him in the darkness.

"Castiel! _No_ , _NO!_

They held hands, but then their fingers slipped from each other. The Empty touched Castiel, and then he was gone, utterly and completely nothing, a possession of the Empty.

He wasn't around to see Dean fall to his knees and scream so fiercely that it drew the remainder of his family to his room. He wasn't around to see Sam and Jack holding him as he sobbed out over and over again, "Cas is gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone…"

He wasn't around to see his family cry over him.

Wasn't around to tell them to hold on, to hold each other, to keep breathing.

He wasn't around to tell Dean that he'd left some of his Grace in him, that he would be with him, _always_.


End file.
